How to Make Friends in College (Especially If You're Shy)

TL;DR

Say yes to things the first few weeks, join 2-3 clubs, sit near the same people in class, and be the one who invites others. Your college best friends probably won't be the first people you meet — real friendships take a few months to develop.

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The Friendship Timeline Nobody Tells You About

Movies make it look like you'll find your best friends during orientation week and be inseparable forever. Reality? Most lasting college friendships form in months 2-6, not week 1.

The people you eat lunch with during orientation might not be the people you're close to by December. That's normal. Don't panic if your "friend group" hasn't solidified by October.

Where to Actually Meet People

In Class

• Sit near the same people each day (consistency builds familiarity)
• Ask someone about the homework or share notes
• Suggest studying together before a test
• "Hey, want to grab food after class?" is a perfectly normal thing to say

Through Clubs and Organizations

This is the #1 way to make friends in college. Join 2-3 groups based on your interests:

• Sports clubs or intramural teams
• Academic clubs related to your major
• Cultural organizations
• Volunteer groups
• Student government
• Creative groups (theater, art, music, writing)

Clubs give you a built-in reason to see the same people regularly — and shared interests make conversation easy.

In Your Residence Hall

• Keep your door open (literally) when you're hanging out
• Attend floor events and hall activities
• Eat meals with people from your floor
• Study in common areas instead of your room

Through Part-Time Jobs

Campus jobs put you alongside other students for hours each week. Shared work experiences bond people quickly.

Tips for Shy/Introverted Students

You Don't Need a Huge Friend Group

Quality > quantity. Having 2-3 close friends is better than having 20 acquaintances. Don't pressure yourself to be popular.

Small Talk Is a Skill (And It Gets Easier)

Practice these conversation starters:

• "What's your major?"
• "Where are you from?"
• "Have you checked out [dining hall/event/club]?"
• "This class is [intense/interesting/confusing], right?"

Be the Inviter

Most people are waiting for someone ELSE to make the first move. Be that person:

• "Want to grab lunch?"
• "I'm heading to the library — want to come study?"
• "A bunch of us are watching the game tonight if you want to join"

The worst that happens is they say no. And usually, they say yes.

One-on-One > Big Groups

If large social situations drain you, focus on one-on-one interactions. Coffee with one person, studying with one classmate, walking to class with one neighbor. Deep friendships form in small moments.

What If You're Struggling

Give It Time

The first month is an adjustment for everyone. If you haven't found your people by week 3, that's completely normal. Keep showing up to things.

Talk to Someone

• Your RA is trained to help with social adjustment
• Counseling services can help with loneliness or social anxiety
• Many colleges have peer mentorship programs
• Online forums and Discord servers can connect you with other students

It Gets Better

Almost every college student goes through a lonely period. It usually peaks around weeks 3-6 and gradually improves as you settle into routines and find your people.

Friendship Red Flags

Not all friendships are healthy. Watch out for:

• People who pressure you to drink, use drugs, or do things you're uncomfortable with
• Friends who only reach out when they need something
• People who make you feel bad about yourself
• Friends who are always negative or drama-prone

It's okay to distance yourself from unhealthy friendships. You deserve people who make you feel good.

Let Gradily Help With School Stress

When academics are under control, you have more time and energy for building friendships. Gradily helps you work more efficiently so you can show up to that club meeting instead of stressing over homework.

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College is one of the best environments for making lifelong friends. You're surrounded by thousands of people your age, all going through the same experience. Be patient, be genuine, and keep showing up. Your people are out there. 🤝